May update: Life Style Change

It's been a while since I've made a post on here regarding weight loss or health change.

I've moved into my own apartment and with that has come some interesting changes.  I'm down almost twenty pounds, which is huge to me.  And it's not even that I've started exercising more or anything like that.  It's actually that since I live on my own, and money is budgeted hard, I'm more selective about what I eat.  And I only eat when I'm actually hungry.

I've never been much of a snacker.  I don't eat between meals for whatever reason, mostly laziness.  Instead, what I've ended up doing is cutting what I eat almost in half.  I eat a lot of chicken.  I mean, a lot of chicken.  People who like chicken would say I eat a lot of chicken.  I've also taken to eating more veggies or even trying veggies that I didn't like before.  Example, I used to hate broccoli because I thought it smelled like feet.  I mean, why would you ever eat anything that smelled like that?  But I tried it one day, turns out, I like broccoli.  And zucchini.  And spaghetti squash.  I'm trying new veggies all the time, and I'm going for fresh over canned (except with peas as LeSeur peas are the only kind worth eating).

I realize a lot of this is about food.  But I don't feel ashamed to say that I love food.  I just have to remember that there is a line between a good relationship and a bad one.  Like, I don't want to be the Edward Cullen to a box of oreos where I sit and watch them when they don't know it.  That's unhealthy.  It's stalking.  And invasion of the oreos privacy.  Instead, I want a healthy relationship with food.  One in which, yeah, it's cool, we can hang out, but my life isn't going to end if you don't return my text.  I need space from food.  It's not food.  It's me.  Food has been really good to me.  Gotten me through some hard times.  We've laughed together.  We've cried.  We've had moments where we've gone "this smells weird, eh I'll eat it anyway".  But I feel like we spent too much time together and now it's like "ugh, please don't even look at me or I'll eat your face."  So, what I'm saying is, food and I aren't breaking up, but we're on a break in which we seek counseling.  And by counseling, I mean I'm writing so you guys can read about my love of food and I don't have to eat that.

And here is where my will power is having to make decisions for me over my "OH MY GOD THAT LOOKS LIKE IT WOULD TASTE AMAZING!".  Friday night, I went out to eat dinner with my parents, the best uncle in the whole world, my Godfather, Chris, and my brother Brandon.  I did not eat a single roll.  I drank water, and I left half of my food on my plate.  Half of my food being potato, asparagus, and steak.  Yesterday, I made lunch for my mom for Mother's day, shout out to the best mom on the planet.  I made steak (cooked in the oven), baked potatoes, asparagus, and a caprese salad.  I also made a double layered yellow cake with cream cheese icing and strawberry icing flowers.  I ate half a potato, half a steak, and three pieces of asparagus.  I had one piece of cake.  The cake is still in my fridge and I haven't touched it since I put it in there.  Today I had caprese salad and half a piece of steak for lunch.  Last week I even had half a thing of Oreo's left in my apartment from a pie I made, for a church event, and sent the package to my dad.  Probably not a good idea to pass my habit off to my dad.

The important part of that is that I'm using portion control and I'm trying to eat green things.  And I only eat when I'm hungry.  I've done yoga for like a week, and my only issue with it is that I'm uncoordinated.  With that being said, planking is not an easy thing for me.  In fact, I hate it.  I hate yoga.  I hate getting sweaty.  I hate being so out of breath by barely moving.  Deep breathing is what yoga teaches you but I hate it.  I'm a mouth breather by nature.  You can't imagine what it's like to be in a room with me while I'm doing yoga.  It ain't pretty.  In fact, if there was a camera I can't tell you how many people would probably laugh at the sight of me wobbling while I do a warrior 2 pose.  (uncoordinated)  But at least it's some activity.  And yoga is my pace.  It's slow.  You're not rushing through it.  I don't feel like I'm going to die when I'm done.  Instead I feel all stretched out and relieved that I've done something.  You will not find me doing a marathon.  I'm not going to join a gym because the thought of people looking at me and judging me makes me nervous and anxious in ways I can't explain.  But I'm doing what I'm comfortable with.

And the point of this blog is two fold:  accountability and I hope, somewhere, that I can help someone like me.  I want to point this out, again.  I don't like exercising.  HATE IT.  There is nothing you can say to make me like it.  But I'm doing what I'm comfortable with.  I'm being more aware about what I eat.  Before, everything was just being shoveled in without tasting or even thinking about how much I was consuming. It was a free for all.  My body displays that.  And as for helping someone else to know they are not alone, just look around at the world.  Obesity is a huge problem with no easy solution.  It starts with bad habits.  It doesn't help that eating healthier is more expensive than eating bad.  I know the money struggle.  If there is an excuse out there to be used about staying overweight and unhealthy, I can give it to you without much thought.  I know about the mindless eating and staying stationary all day.  I know that there is nothing better than laying on the couch and watching shows that make you feel better about your own life (Maury Povich for one).  I know that it's so much easier to not think about it until someone forces you to.  There is no worse feeling than having a child in your life comment on how big your tummy is.  There's nothing malicious about it.  It's just a fact they've noticed.

I know about the vicious circle of being unhappy so you eat to feel better and then you're unhappy because of how big you are and you got that way because of being unhappy.  Emotion is tied to food.  My emotions have always been tied with food.  I eat for happiness.  When I'm happy I eat.  When I'm sad I eat to feel happy.  All of my good memories are based around food.  I get it.  Also, food is freaking delicious! Especially bad food.  Healthy food can be delicious too.  And you don't have to quit cold turkey.  That would be illogical.  Also, it doesn't work!  If you start denying yourself something, you want it that much more.  I believe in a gradual move.  Do a little bit at a time.  As I said, I will never run a marathon.  But I would do Zumba in my living room by myself.  Make yourself comfortable with your choices.

And remember that it is a choice.  We all make choices and have bad habits.  It just so happens that my bad habit can cause heart disease, diabetes, and a number of other health conditions.  However, I'm hoping that I can live a long, healthy life just by changing my habits.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and feel free to drop a note!

The Problem with Healthy Food - Or How the Cow Killed Itself!

Why is it so easy to put on weight but hard to take it off?  I feel like we should be more upset that all the food that's bad for us tastes so delicious while all the stuff that's good for us tastes like hot garbage.

Kale?  Oh, you mean dirt lettuce?  Tell me again how dirt lettuce is good for me.  It may be good, but there's not enough of anything to put on Kale to not make it taste like dirt.  Maybe what we should do is feed Kale to cows, we eat the cows, and by proxy we ate Kale.  Maybe the real problem is we aren't feeding our food the right kind of food.

"Here's a delicious steak that ate nothing but Kale for the last two months of its life."
"And it was ethically killed for our consumption?"
"Actually, it committed suicide!"

So, what I'm saying is, there needs to be a way to make food that's good for you not taste like dirt.  It can't be that hard!  If McDonalds can make chicken nuggets (which are delicious) out of stuff that's not even real chicken, then how hard is it to make healthy food not taste like crap?

And there is the dilemma:  I don't eat something because of what "health" effect it has on me.  I eat something based off of how it tastes.  I'm sure almost everyone does that.  And if food smells like feet before I even eat it, safe money is I won't be eating it.

So, all I'm saying to the food industry is find some healthy crap that doesn't smell like feet or farts and I'm in! 

Ashley Graham and Cheryl Tiegs

When I saw this story, it took me a moment to remember who Cheryl Tiegs was.  That's not meant as an insult.  Once I saw her face, I remembered her.  She's a svelte blond who had a pretty face and a rail thin body.  She wasn't of the "heroine" models of the Kate Moss generation.  She was a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit model in the 70s or 80s I believe.  I know it wasn't the 90s.

She said the following about Ashley Graham, the first plus-size model to appear on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swim suit issue:

"I don't like that we're talking about full-figured women because it's glamorizing them because your waist should be smaller than 35 [inches]. That's what Dr. Oz said, and I'm sticking to it," she explained. "No, I don't think it's healthy. Her face is beautiful. Beautiful. But I don't think it's healthy in the long run." Link to article here.  

First off, let me say that I don't think she meant to say anything to maliciously hurt someone's feelings.  The truth is, when was the last time you heard of Cheryl Tiegs?  And I think with the fact that Ashley is getting all this publicity for being plus size and being on the cover of Sports Illustrated is great.  She's gorgeous.  All of her.  Not just her face.

And I suppose that's where the issue comes in.  It's something that all "plus size" girls have heard at one time or another.  "You have such a pretty face."  "Your face is beautiful."  Which, while it's meant as a compliment, I think, it's also sort of like there is a part of the sentence that's missing.  "You have such a pretty face...for a fat girl."  "Your face is beautiful...it's the rest of you that's ugly."

Now, I'm not saying she meant it that way at all.  But that's how I read it.  "Her face is beautiful." Dr. Phil always says that the most important word he finds in a statement is the word "but".  It basically means disregard everything I just said, cause here's what I really think.

Again, I don't think Cheryl meant to hurt anyone.  I think she spoke her mind and didn't think of the ramifications of what she was saying.  This all goes back to that  Nicole Arbour stuff where she said that "Fat Shaming" wasn't a real thing.  Unfortunately, it is.  You can be shamed about anything.  If you think that Fat Shaming isn't real, do you also think Slut shaming isn't real?  Do you think that religious shaming isn't real?  Shame is a feeling.  It occurs whether or not someone meant that as the intention.